Last week in Parental Guidance, we stood firmly on two powerful truths: Psalm 139 reminds us that our children are fearfully and wonderfully made, knit together by God Himself. Genesis 1:26–27 tells us they are made in the image of God. They are not accidents. Not interruptions. Not inconveniences. They are intentional craftsmanship. They carry God’s imprint. They have inherent worth before they ever accomplish a single thing.
We don’t need to re-preach that foundation—but we do need to stand on it. Because everything else we talk about in parenting is built on identity. Identity is the foundation of everything. If spiritual identity is not settled, every other parenting issue becomes an uphill battle. If a child does not know who they are, they will not know how to live. You can manage behavior. You can enforce rules. You can remove privileges. But if identity isn’t rooted, behavior will always be temporary. It will shift with the crowd. It will bend with culture. It will collapse under pressure. But when identity is rooted in being made in the image of God, behavior follows. Not perfectly. Not instantly. But directionally. Because behavior flows from belief, and belief flows from identity.
The Cultural Identity Crisis
We are living in a moment where identity is often untethered from design. Many thoughtful, intelligent people sincerely believe life is the result of unguided processes—that matter randomly came together and formed what we now call humanity. In that worldview, we are cosmic accidents. Stardust plus time plus chance. No Author. No intention. No ultimate purpose.
And while many hold that view thoughtfully, we have to understand what it implies. If everything is accidental, then identity must be constructed. If there is no design, there is no designer. If there is no designer, there is no built-in purpose. Meaning becomes something we invent. Morality becomes something we negotiate. Identity becomes something we assemble out of preference and experience.
At first, that sounds freeing. “You can be whoever you want.” But if there is no design underneath you, there is nothing solid to build on. You are trying to create a self without a blueprint. You are trying to define worth in a universe that never assigned any.
Scripture presents something entirely different. Genesis begins not with chaos winning, but with intentionality. “In the beginning, God created.” The Hebrew word bara speaks of purposeful, divine action. God speaks and brings order out of chaos. He separates. He names. He evaluates. And repeatedly He says, “It is good.” Psalm 19 says the heavens proclaim the glory of God and the skies display His craftsmanship. Romans 1 says God’s invisible qualities are clearly seen in what has been made. Creation carries fingerprints. And this matters for parenting because worldview shapes identity.
If a child grows up believing they are the product of randomness, meaning is fragile. But if they grow up believing they were designed, identity becomes stable. When you see a house, you assume a builder. When you see a painting, you assume an artist. When you see complex information encoded in DNA, you recognize intelligence. Information comes from mind, not chaos. Order implies direction.
If there is a designer, there is design. If there is design, there is purpose. If there is purpose, identity is discovered—not invented. Your child is not self-created. They are God-created. They are not inventing meaning. They are learning to live within meaning already given.
Identity That Is Embedded, Not Negotiated
When we tell our children they are made in the image of God, we are not giving them a religious slogan. We are giving them ontological grounding. Their worth is not assigned by peers. Not negotiated by culture. Not determined by achievement. Not erased by failure. It is embedded. And here’s why that matters: If identity is self-constructed, it must constantly be defended. If identity is God-given, it can be securely lived.
When identity is self-constructed, disagreement feels like annihilation. Correction feels like rejection. Boundaries feel like oppression. But when identity is rooted in being made in God’s image, behavior follows because it flows from design.
Fish swim because they are designed for water. Birds fly because they are designed for air. When they live within design, they flourish. When they fight design, they struggle.
The same is true for us. If we do not anchor our children in design, culture will anchor them in preference. If we do not anchor them in Creator, culture will anchor them in construction. And a constructed identity must constantly be rebuilt.
But a created identity can be securely received.
Royal Identity and Kingdom Living
Scripture calls believers a “royal priesthood” (1 Peter 2:9). Royalty carries identity, and identity carries behavior. You don’t live royal because you have to—you live royal because that’s who you are. When Prince Harry and Meghan Markel stepped away from the British royal family, they made it clear they did not want to live within that structure. This isn’t about gossip or judgment. It’s about identity and alignment. Royal identity carries expectations shaped by the kingdom.
It’s similar in the Christian life. We don’t follow Christ because we are forced into behavior. We follow Christ because belonging reshapes living. If you are royal, there is a way of living that reflects the kingdom you represent.
If a child believes they are random, they will live randomly. If they believe they are defined by performance, they will either become prideful in success or crushed in failure. If they believe they are defined by culture, they will constantly reinvent themselves. But if they believe they are made in the image of God and redeemed by Christ, behavior begins to align with belonging.
The Fragrance of Identity
In 2 Corinthians 2:15–16, Paul says believers are the fragrance of Christ. To some, that fragrance smells like life. To others, it smells like death. In Roman culture, when a general won a major victory, he was granted a triumph—a parade through the streets of Rome. Incense would fill the air. For Roman citizens, that aroma meant victory and life. But for captives marching in chains behind the general, that same aroma meant execution and death. Same fragrance. Two completely different experiences.
The Gospel works like that. When identity is rooted in Christ, truth smells like life. But when identity is rooted elsewhere, truth can feel threatening. Parents, this is where it hits home. If your child’s identity is not rooted in Christ, biblical truth will eventually feel restrictive instead of rescuing. Boundaries will feel like punishment instead of protection. Obedience will feel like oppression instead of alignment. Identity answers the question, “Who am I?” God’s will answers the question, “How do I live?” If the first question is unsettled, the second will always feel forced.
Identity Is Formed in Small Moments
In Ephesians 1, Paul reminds believers they are chosen, adopted, redeemed, and sealed. In Roman culture, adoption carried full legal rights and inheritance. Adopted sons often had stronger security than biological heirs. Paul intentionally uses legal and family language to say your identity is not fragile—it is secured. Romans 8 says we have received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry, “Abba, Father.” That word communicates closeness and belonging.
When a child knows they belong, behavior stabilizes. When belonging feels shaky, behavior destabilizes. Deuteronomy 6 shows us how identity is formed. Moses instructs parents to talk about God’s commands when sitting at home, walking along the road, lying down, and getting up. Identity is not formed in one big speech. It is formed in thousands of small moments—around dinner tables, in car rides, after failures, after successes, during correction, during celebration.
You get one hour a week at church. There are 167 others. Identity formation is not the church’s primary job. It is yours.
Correcting Through Identity
Instead of saying, “Why are you like this?” we say, “That’s not who you are.” Instead of saying, “You will never change,” we say, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart…” (Proverbs 3:5–6). We correct through identity, not against it.
Hebrews 12 reminds us that the Lord disciplines those He loves. In the Greco-Roman world, discipline was about formation and training, shaping someone into maturity. God’s discipline flows from secure identity, not toward it.
If we skip identity and jump straight to behavior, we will constantly feel friction. It will feel like pushing uphill. Without spiritual identity:
• Purity feels like restriction instead of dignity.
• Correction feels like rejection instead of formation.
• Obedience feels like oppression instead of alignment.
You cannot shape fruit without tending roots. But when spiritual identity is clear—“I am made in God’s image. I belong to Him. I was designed with purpose”—God’s will feels like home.
Where Parenting Truly Begins
Last week we said our children are created intentionally. This week we say they must know whose they are. Because when they know who they are in Christ, the Gospel will not smell like death. It will smell like life. And that is where parenting truly begins.
