We’re used to hearing about kindness in light, fluffy terms. “Be kind.” “Sprinkle kindness like confetti.” It sounds sweet and simple. But as I’ve wrestled with Scripture and real-life stories, I’ve become convinced: Kindness is far more intense, costly, and transforming than we think. In Galatians 5:22–23, Paul lists the fruit of the Spirit:

love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

These aren’t just “good Christian manners.” They are evidence that the Holy Spirit is alive and active in us. If you can fully live them out in your own strength, it’s not the fruit of the Spirit—it’s just your morals and willpower. Real kindness—the kind that looks like Jesus—requires the Holy Spirit. Over the past few weeks, God has taken me deeper into what kindness really is. I thought I understood it. Then He broke me and rebuilt how I see it. Out of that process, I began to see four degrees of kindness:

1. Kindness when it’s free
2. Kindness when it costs
3. Kindness when it hurts
4. Kindness when it kills

Let’s walk through them.

1st Degree: Kindness When It’s Free

This is the kindness everyone can do—believer or not.

It’s:

• Holding the door for someone
• Smiling at a stranger
• Letting someone merge in traffic (still working on that one)
• Donating clothes you no longer wear
• Dropping off unused food at a shelter

It’s kindness of convenience. It doesn’t really cost you anything. No real sacrifice, no disruption to your schedule, no emotional risk. It’s good, and we should absolutely do it.

These acts are like little “heart-shaped” reminders from God—small, simple ways His kindness shows up in our everyday world. They plant seeds. But this is just the entry level. Jesus said:

“If you love those who love you, what reward will you get?”— Matthew 5:46

In other words, Anyone can do that. The first degree of kindness is where we start, not where we’re meant to stay.

2nd Degree: Kindness When It Costs

This is where kindness stops being accidental and starts being intentional.

Here, kindness moves from convenience to sacrifice. It might look like:

• Giving time you didn’t plan to give
• Spending money you didn’t plan to spend
• Changing your plans to help someone who can’t repay you
• Serving when you’re already exhausted, but someone else needs strength

This is where kindness interrupts your schedule, budget, and comfort. It’s inconvenient. It costs you. We see this in Jesus’ story of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25–37). A man is beaten, robbed, and left half-dead on the side of the road. A priest and a Levite—religious people—see him and cross to the other side, passing by. But then a Samaritan, a person despised by the Jews of that time, sees the man and stops. He:

• Bandages his wounds
• Pours oil and wine on them (costly supplies)
• Puts the man on his own donkey
• Brings him to an inn
• Takes care of him

Then Jesus adds an important detail:

“The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’” — Luke 10:35

That’s time. That’s money. That’s risk. That’s kindness with a price tag. Most of us recognize this level. We’ve been the Good Samaritan in smaller ways—paid for someone’s groceries, visited someone in the hospital, supported a ministry, helped a neighbor move. But there’s more.

The Phone Call That Cost More Than I Expected

Let me tell you about a phone call I got on a Wednesday. A woman called the church asking for a hotel room for one night. We don’t typically pay for hotel rooms. If we did, we’d go broke quickly. We’re a small church, and money is tight. We get calls every week—requests for hotels, utilities, food. My first instinct was to say no. But as she talked, the Parable of the Good Samaritan came to mind. She told me she had just fled an abusive husband, with her daughter, and they would have to sleep in their car tonight. She had a plan: one night in a hotel and then she’d go to her sister’s house the next day. I’ve heard a lot of stories—some genuine, some not. But this time I felt a nudge from the Holy Spirit: Help her.

If she was telling the truth, how could I leave a mom and daughter sleeping in a car after escaping abuse? So we paid for the hotel room as a church—about $150. I didn’t want the church to carry the burden alone, so my wife and I decided to go further. We bought: Body wash, shampoo, and conditioner, Toothbrushes and toothpaste, Deodorant, A devotional book, Gift cards for breakfast, lunch, and gas, Coloring books and colored pencils for her daughter, Snacks and chocolates (Like the really good Dove one's with inspirational sayings in the wrappers. Another $150.

If she was truly abused, I wanted her and her daughter to feel safe, valued, and deeply cared for—maybe in a way they’d never experienced. I thought, This is 2nd-degree kindness. It costs us, but it’s worth it. It felt right. It felt like a sermon illustration God was writing in real time. Then Thursday came.

I got the receipt from the hotel. A one-night stay…Plus a $250 smoking charge. I called the hotel to clarify. “She smoked in the room,” they said, “and also… the hairdryer is missing.” Another $100 charge. So our $150 night for someone in need just turned into about $500. I was angry. Are you kidding me? After everything we did? After all that care, prayer, time, and money…you smoked in the room and stole the hairdryer? I went through a wave of emotions: Frustration, Hurt, Guilt—Am I stewarding God’s money well? And then… God brought me back to that little detail I always glossed over in the Good Samaritan story:

“When I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.” (Luke 10:35)

Any...expense...Not, “any reasonable expense.” Not, “any morally tidy expense.” Any. Suddenly, kindness moved into the third degree.

3rd Degree: Kindness When It Hurts

This degree of kindness doesn’t just cost you—it wounds you.

This is:

• Showing grace to someone who actually hurt you
• Forgiving someone who didn’t apologize
• Being patient with someone who keeps failing
• Choosing compassion instead of resentment
• Giving another chance, even when everything in you screams, “Never again”

This isn’t about being naïve or ignoring wisdom and boundaries. It’s about a heart posture. This is Jesus washing Judas’ feet. He knew betrayal was coming. He knew the kiss of betrayal was on its way. And still… He knelt, took Judas’ feet in His hands, and washed them. That’s 3rd-degree kindness: Kindness that continues even when kindness isn’t returned.

Everything in me wanted to call that woman and let her have it. At least ask her to bring the hairdryer back. Maybe we could get that $100 charge removed. Surely that’s reasonable. But I remembered another moment from years ago, when I gave some gas money to a man who asked for help. I started to say, “Use this for what you said—don’t waste my family’s money.” And I sensed God say:

“When did I put stipulations on My love for you? When did My kindness toward you come with conditions?”

That same whisper came back as I stared at the hotel charges. I felt God nudging me: Let it go. Don’t chase her down about the hairdryer. Don’t lecture her about the smoking fee. Absorb the cost. This is kindness when it hurts. Does that mean we always enable destructive behavior? No. There’s a place for wise boundaries. But in this case, God was dealing with my heart, not her habits. He was stretching me from kindness that costs to kindness that hurts. But then… there’s still one more degree.

4th Degree: Kindness When It Kills

This is the Christ-level degree of kindness. Most of us won’t literally die because of a single act of kindness. But 4th-degree kindness looks like:

• “I will love even if it costs my reputation.”
• “I will obey God even if it costs my comfort.”
• “I will serve even if no one ever notices or thanks me.”
• “I will live my life for the Gospel, even if it leads to loss, persecution, or suffering.”

This is where kindness stops being something you do and becomes someone you are—because it’s Christ living in you. This is Jesus on the cross. Not just forgiving. Not just helping. Not just healing. Dying, so that His enemies could live.

This is the ultimate kindness:

“While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

He didn’t wait until we got our act together. He didn’t wait for us to apologize. He didn’t wait until we could “prove” we’d be grateful. He died for the ones who would worship Him and the ones who would reject Him. That’s 4th-degree kindness.

Remembering the True Good Samaritan

In the story of the Good Samaritan, we often put ourselves in the Samaritan’s shoes. “I want to be that guy. I want to help people like that.” But spiritually? We’re not the Samaritan. We’re the person in the ditch. We were beaten up by sin, robbed of our innocence, left for dead on the side of the road. Religion walked by. Rules walked by. Other people’s opinions walked by. Then Jesus came.

He:

• Stopped when no one else did
• Bandaged our wounds with grace and truth
• Poured out oil and wine—His healing and His Spirit
• Lifted us up and carried us when we had no strength
• Paid a debt we could never repay with something far more costly than two coins—
• His own body and blood

Jesus didn’t just model the four degrees of kindness—He embodied all of them perfectly.

His kindness:

1. Came in everyday blessings when it was free
2. Went to the cross when it cost
3. Endured rejection, betrayal, and nails when it hurt
4. Led Him to lay down His life willingly—when it killed

And why? Because, as Romans 2:4 reminds us:

“God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance.”

The goal of His kindness is not to make us comfortable, but to draw us back to Him.

So… What Degree of Kindness Are You Living In?

• Kindness when it's free...most of us.
• Kindness when it costs...on our good days.
• Kindness when it hurts...very rarely.
• Kindness when it kills you…that’s where saints, martyrs...and Jesus live.

But the Holy Spirit doesn’t shame us. He invites us. Not from 1 straight to 4 overnight. But from where we are… to the next step. So ask yourself honestly:

• Do I mostly practice kindness when it’s free?
• Have I been willing to let kindness cost me something?
• Have I ever chosen kindness when it truly hurt me?
• Am I willing, if God calls, to live a life of costly, sacrificial kindness for Him?

Wherever you are today, don’t pretend. Be real with God. Then pray something like this:

“Lord, thank You for showing me ultimate kindness. You found me in the ditch, You carried me, You paid my debt. I don’t want to stay in shallow kindness. Lead me to the next degree. If my kindness has been free, teach me to give when it costs. If it costs, teach me to be kind even when it hurts. And if it hurts, give me the courage to lay down my life—my comfort, pride, and control—so Your kindness can be seen in me.”

Because at the end of the day, the world doesn’t need more “nice” people. It needs people whose kindness looks like Jesus.